How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?
These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male.
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
Reblogging because there are some sassy little shits out there.
How I feel about religion. God should be presented as what he is, love and kindness. Stop using his name to justify your racism, homo phobia and sexesim
Not gonna lie, this is pretty cute.
Love and Kindness. That’s all what He is.
Men from K-project wet and
It’s different each time!
Thanks for making me feel better!
You seriously improved my day and I owe you so much!
So I showed Frozen to my boyfriend and I decided to share the brilliant commentary he made during the movie…
- Halter Top
- Braided Neck
- Slashed Scarf
- Classic Slashes
- Draped Vest
- Braided Back
- Cropped Tee
- Braided Sleeves
- Fringe Scarf
- Macrame Tank Top
- Tied Vest
- Lattice Studded Shirt
- Cut Out Top
- No Sew Skirt
- Lace Insert
- T-Shirt Bag
- Beach Tote
- Knotted Headband
- Throw Pillow
- Pillow (video!)
- Sleeveless Dress
- Long Infinity Scarf
- Ruffled Skirt 1
- Knotted Headband
- Lace Sleeves
- Corset Lacing
- Cut Out Bandeau
- Crochet Trim Seam
- Dolman Tee
- Peplum Top
- Lace Up Collar and Sleeves
- Tunic Dress
Bleach, Markers and Tie Dye
Today I was at work and this like 13 year old kid came in with a snk jacket so I was all omg I really like your jacket and his face like lit up and he smiled and turned to his friend and was all “she gets it! She gets it!” and his friend just sighed and kinda shook his head and I think that perfectly describes the friendship between an anime watcher and a non-anime watcher
WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST WATCH WHAT HAPPENED
at my wedding, I want 9 people dressed up as the members of the fellowship of the ring to attend and halfway through the vows they stand up and start arguing until the one dressed up as Frodo shouts “I will do it, I will take the ring to the bride!”
then it just falls silent as he slowly brings me the Ring of Power